Goldilocks Mexican Bear Dinner

March, 2017

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Goldilocks Arrested in Mexico after Break-in at Bear Family Bungalow

Mexico City, Mexico

Mexico City Police last night arrested a homeless woman after a burglary in a suburban household. The woman known as ‘Goldilocks’ was taken into custody after a brief armed standoff with police.

The arrest came after members of the Bear family, Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear, discovered Goldilocks in their home, apparently raiding the refrigerator. “It was awful,” said Mama Bear. “She devoured everything in the refrigerator, eating our delicious homemade Grasshoppers and the Sheep Head Soup and Balls I had specially prepared for Papa Bear. When we caught her, she was spooning my special house-made Dragon Fruit sorbet into her mouth.”

When Goldilocks was taken into custody her blood alcohol content measured .2, more than double the legal driving limit. “She drank several bottles of my precious Buffalo Trace Kentucky Bourbon,” said Papa Bear. “How am I supposed to get more bourbon from the U.S. after the new border wall goes up?”

Looking visibly shaken, Mama Bear continued: “She had started cooking some kind of mole sauce, but there wasn’t any meat in the house. We’re not sure what kind of meat she planned to use…”

Goldilocks is being sought in the U.S. for a string of similar burglaries, all of which targeted residences of bear families. Mexico Police, however, expressed their reluctance to extradite the notorious criminal.

Investigators in the U.S. noted that the modus operandi fits other incidents, in which delicious food was cooked at the victims home. Mole sauce, however, has never been used in connection with a bear break in. “But it is absolutely certain it would have been amazingly delicious. Her food always is. Damn shame we have to lock her up.” the officers commented.

Mexican Bear Dinner